COMMON ACTIONS THAT INCITE CONFLICT

Giving unsolicited advice, telling someone what he should do, or telling him what he’s doing wrong, creates resentment. Trying to be someone’s teacher or therapist creates a power imbalance in a relationship. The other person feels spoken down to and can become angry.

Not giving someone choices leads to him feeling oppressed and creates rebellion.

Not expressing your emotions for fear of upsetting or hurting someone will lead to your anger and resentment. When you appease or withdraw from a relationship, it’s usually because you aren’t expressing important feelings -- anger, sadness or fear.

Not appreciating or acknowledging a person for what he’s done makes him feel used and taken for granted.

Talking endlessly, especially about yourself, makes others feel trapped and ignored and may cause them to avoid you.

Dismissing someone’s thoughts, opinions, ideas and feelings will make a person angry and create a lack of trust in the relationship.

Not listening causes a person to become distrustful and angry.

When you don’t follow through with what you say you’re going to do, trust is broken.

Giving double messages -- saying one thing and doing the opposite causes confusion, doubt and mistrust.

Speaking judgmentally or assigning blame incites hostility in the other person.

Overstepping people’s boundaries by being physically or verbally abusive causes them to avoid you by retreating or fighting back to protect themselves.

Creating relationship triangles with two other people causes power-struggles and resentment. Examples: when you pit one person against another for your personal gain, or you become entangled in a romantic triangle that makes one person jealous of another.

Speaking behind someone’s back creates a sense of betrayal.

Fishing for information and not being clear about your intentions instills fear.