Home Coaching Books Conflict Resolution Relationships Bio

1. Relationship Killers
2. Mind Your Own Business!
3. Jealousy
4. Don’t Feel Special?
5. When is it Time to End a Relationship?
6. It’s Over. What do I do Now?
7. 10 Relationship Rules
8. Energy Vampires
• 9. 12 Relationship Needs


LIFE 101


12 Relationship Needs

Relationships are built on fulfilling mutual needs. The following needs apply to relationships with intimate partners,
family and friends. Not all may apply to other relationships such as business acquaintances. These needs go in both
direction -- providing them to others and receiving them from others. When needs go unmet, emotions (anger,
sadness and/or fear) become triggered. When needs are met consistently, joy arises, and trust and intimacy develop.

SECURITY (trust)

1. SAFETY -- free from physical and emotional abuse (shame, blame, judgment, scrutiny, criticism, guilt-trips)
2. BOUNDARIES -- privacy and personal space
3. AUTONOMY -- freedom to choose or make own decisions


4. CONSISTENCY -- reliability; consistent mood and behavior; matching words with action
5. HONESTY -- integrity; accountability; sharing difficult messages; vulnerability; emotionally honest (open with feelings and needs); truthful, straightforward and clear communication with kindness and courtesy
6. PRESENCE -- physically, mentally and emotionally present

SUPPORT (intimacy)

7. UNDERSTANDING -- a genuine desire to know who a person is (light and dark sides); compassion
8. ACCEPTANCE -- accepting a person as is; free from trying to change or fix a person
9. ACKNOWLEDGMENT -- recognizing a person’s actions, abilities or special qualities

NURTURING (intimacy)

10. AFFECTION/LOVE -- feeling special; cared about; receiving healthy attention; warmth and kindness; camaraderie
11. VALUED -- feeling important; valuing feelings, needs and opinions
12. CONNECTION -- feeling a shared closeness; mutual sense of belonging; feeling seen, heard and understood; inclusion; community

These 12 needs create trust, intimacy and respect -- the foundation to a healthy relationship. The Security and
Stability categories build trust while the Support and Nurturing categories build intimacy. However, without first
building trust, there cannot be intimacy. Of course, there are many other needs that people need, but these are the
core needs that create a solid base for relationships.


These articles are meant to be informative and not to be taken as advice. Every person’s situation is different and the articles may not pertain to your specific situation.

Also, before dealing with any issue with another person or before attempting to look at your own issues, it’s important to consult with an appropriate professional for guidance.