Fierce First Step

DATING 101

Don’t Know What to Say?

If you’re not out going, brimming with confidence, or a smooth talker, it may be challenging to walk up to a stranger and strike up a conversation in the hopes of asking the person out. What’s stopping you may be a fear of being rejected and looking foolish. That is a possibility. The alternative is to do nothing and feel safe. And be alone. So if you’re ready to step out of your comfort zone, here are a few tips.

Be honest. Instead of thinking of a clever come-on line, tell the person you’re interested in how you feel about approaching him/her. Share your fears and say something like, “I’m nervous walking up to you but I just had to meet you.” The right ones will find you brave and your honesty will be endearing.

Keep your words to a minimum. When nervous, people have a tendency to ramble. When they realize they’re rambling, they become even more nervous and make things worse. So keep it short and to the point. Also, avoid rushing your speech--consciously speak at a natural rate.

Breathe. When nervous, people go into the fight-or-flight response causing them to breathe rapidly and shallow. The brain doesn’t get the needed oxygen and makes them even more nervous and off quilter. If you find yourself talking faster and faster, you’re not breathing fully. Breathing fully and naturally will keep you calmer. Just don’t hyperventilate --you may pass out!

Be yourself. Don’t act cool and suave or sophisticated and aloof if this isn’t you. In fact, those who are like this are acting, too. So be natural--even if terrified.

Learn. If things don’t go the way you hoped, don’t despair. Learn from the experience and ask yourself how you can do things differently the next time. And don’t wait too long to get out there again!

Sometimes you don’t have to say anything. Simply making gentle eye contact with an easy smile can open the door for an introduction. Just be sure not to glare, sneer or stare too long--it might creep the person out.

The more you practice these tips, the easier it becomes and when you actually have conversations with those your interested in, the more your confidence will increase. Good luck!

Disclaimer
These articles are meant to be informative and not to be taken as advice. Every person’s situation is different and the articles may not pertain to your speciﬁc situation.

Also, before dealing with any issue with another person or before attempting to look at your own issues, it’s important to consult with an appropriate professional for guidance.