Home Coaching Books Conflict Resolution Relationships Bio


1. Really, I’m Not Interested
2. I’m Interested but it’s a Bad Idea
3. Don’t Know What to Say?
4. Know What You Want!
5. Little Things Reveal Big Flaws
6. 3 Date Rule
• 7. Your Body Language

LIFE 101


What’s Your Body Language Saying About You?

Are you attracting or repelling others? Are you available or is your unspoken message saying you’re not interested when you really are? Your body language may be speaking loudly well before you even meet someone. In fact, 93 percent of messages people receive from others is from body language according to body language expert, Carol Kinsey Goman.

If you’re not meeting the right kinds of people, you may want to look at your body language. What’s it saying about you? Having your arms and legs crossed can indicates you’re not accessible. Neither is having your body and feet angled away from the person you’re talking to. Excessive arm/hand movements or rocking back and forth indicates you’re nervous. A stooped posture with slouching shoulders can send a signal of low confidence and insecurity. And if you present yourself with attitude (look of boredom, better than others), you’re probably sending a clear message that you’re too good to be approached.

Think back to a time when things were clicking for you--you were happy, open and lively, and your body language reflected that. As a result, you probably attracted good things into your life. But when things don’t go your way, and you experience disappointment, rejection or stress, your body may begin to constrict as a way to protect yourself.

On the other hand, things can shift if you open your body more (uncross arms and legs), stand tall, smile warmly and engage with your eyes. The eyes say everything-- from conveying “I’d like to meet you” to “I’m really happy that we’re connecting.” When the eyes widen and the brows lift slightly, you’re accessible. If you don’t make eye contact or glance away, you’re saying I’m timid or insecure, or worse--I’m not interested.

Combining engaging eyes with a smile can create lots of new opportunities. But like the eyes, a smile has to be genuine. Can you recall a person who smiles but it looks forced? It appears phony because the corner of the eyes don’t crinkle. So throw your whole face behind a smile and don’t worry about the laugh lines.

And when you’re connecting with the person, don’t forget to lean in slightly, and occasionally reach out and touch his/her arm at appropriate moments (the body releases feel good chemicals when touched by someone he/she likes). So be conscious of your body language but be aware that any of these suggestions taken to extremes can come across as desperate, needy or creepy. A suggestion is especially if you’re new to this, whatever you think is appropriate when it comes to body language, is to dial it back a notch or two. Better to err on the safer side.

These articles are meant to be informative and not to be taken as advice. Every person’s situation is different and the articles may not pertain to your specific situation.

Also, before dealing with any issue with another person or before attempting to look at your own issues, it’s important to consult with an appropriate professional for guidance.