Little Things Reveal Big Flaws
Have you ever been on a date with someone and this person does something minor, such as not thank a waitress for delivering a meal, and that made you pause and wonder about his/her character? Maybe you justified the behavior and overlooked it, but if it happens time and again, it may point to a character defect.
There are people with big red flags (infidelity, drugs or alcohol addictions for example) and small red flags such as the one just mentioned. Everyone has red flags, but if the person you’re involved with has many small red flags, over time they can add up to your unhappiness. The following are a few examples of smaller red flags to be aware of:
- Doesn’t acknowledge people who aren’t necessary to him/her (waitress, doorman, janitor, etc.) --Constantly looking for messages on phone or texting (not present and needs distractions) --Not paying attention to what you’re saying, tuned out
- Looking at other people when together say in a restaurant (person not focused on you) --Conversations are mostly about him/her (you don’t feel seen or important)
- You give more than you receive or you care more about the relationship, one-way relationship --Overly concerned with appearance
- Apologizes frequently, “Sorry,” “Sorry,” “Sorry.”
- Always cracking jokes, has difficulty being serious
- Needs to be the center of attention
- Chronic complainer, focus is on what’s wrong in life rather than what’s right --Judgmental, critical and blaming of others
- Makes jokes at the expense of others
- Righteous or rebellious nature (undealt with anger)
- Inability to state an emotion (especially anger), inability to state what he/she needs --Busy, busy, busy, go, go, go
- Too much exercising, working, partying, pleasure seeking, spiritual pursuits, etc. --Extremely sensitive (you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around this person)
You probably have your own pet peeves to add. This isn’t meant to take the fun out of dating, rather it’s to let you become a more informed dater. Just be aware the next time you’re out with someone. If these red flags should start flapping in the wind, it doesn’t mean you still can’t enjoy the date. And remember, any one of these alone may not be damaging to a relationship but if a person has a number of small red flags, it just may lead to big conflicts in your future relationship.
Copyright © Sho Aoyagi 2013
These articles are meant to be informative and not to be taken as advice. Every person’s situation is different and the articles may not pertain to your speciﬁc situation.
Also, before dealing with any issue with another person or before attempting to look at your own issues, it’s important to consult with an appropriate professional for guidance.